the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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