You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
