Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
