It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
