i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Boobs speak an international language.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
