The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
