Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
