Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
