hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
