She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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