he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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