college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
