Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
