Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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