I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
pray to the hookup gods
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
