Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
