i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
