we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
