The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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