Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think your dad took our porno
whose parrot is this?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
