i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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