i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
