I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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