eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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