I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
