That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
