there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
