Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
