? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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