I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
