Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Randomize
