We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
