I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
