he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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