I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
