yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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