I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
