high people should be assigned attendants
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you had me at cake vodka
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
