Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
