haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
