i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize