So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
