No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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