how can u be prego again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
