I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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