Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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