he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
