My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Another day, another engagement, another cat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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