theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
