I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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