Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
