just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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