Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
