She's JV to your varsity
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
