That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i out mim tonsoeep
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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