I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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