pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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