remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
