Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
