i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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