He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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