My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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