It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
