You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
