I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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