You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
